Reflection: Fighting fear with faith

I am going to try and do a reflection blog ever so often about my personal thoughts during this process. Most of our family and close friends know me pretty well. I analyze everything. Almost to the point where there is nothing left to debate. But, I can honestly say that until the past few days I have had very little analyzation of this situation that has been Godly placed into our lives.

I am reminded that every mom worries while they are carrying a baby. When talking with one of my best friends she reminded me of this when I was having one of my “moments.” As a first time mom-to-be in this unique position, I feel greater worry accompanies my everyday thoughts especially on appointment weeks.

Appointment weeks are supposed to be joyous, exciting and something to look forward to. Don’t get me wrong, I feel all of those things. But there is a level of anxiety and fear that passes through you the night before when you start thinking about the challenges these babies are facing just fighting to grow inside you all in the same space. You wonder if not one baby but all babies have fingers and toes. Do they all have good heartbeats? Do they have important organs present? Are they all growing properly? What are my risks associated with this situation this week?

I consider myself a woman of faith. Without God, I know that the miracles and even the challenges we face are all because of His glory and bigger plan. Bryan and I both have been very positive during this time even when moments are tough.

Our latest appointment was wonderful to see their process and how they are all growing and changing so much! Just amazing what technology can tell you in a matter of minutes. Like I said in my previous post, Doc is watching all of them closely especially Baby A. Even with his stellar expertise, I wonder what really is going on and if everything will be okay. After my mini-emotional episode of worry this morning, I have stopped to reflect again about why faith is your best weapon against fear. With much needed rest today I remained content is silence and thought about my fears.  God continued to push me in a direction that showed me light at the end of the journey and that felt good!

Just yesterday, I had a lady (well, I would not call her a lady after I tell you the rest), but a lady in store overheard that I was having triplets. I was standing to check out with her in line and she said to me, “I feel so sorry for you.”

For the first time during this experience I was almost instantly in tears. How hurtful to say that to someone you don’t know. I have heard comments like, “What will you guys do?,” or “Wow, better you than me,” but never “I feel sorry for you.”

My rebuttle to her was, “Actually, we feel really blessed.” I checked out and went about my business. Don’t get me wrong I still thought about how someone could say such things. I let that fester in my heart all night and it lead me back to fear about the health of the babies and getting through this journey in one piece. I justified her nasty comment to the things people say without any educated bit of information.  But, in her case I think it was clearly an Orbit gum commercial, “Dirty mouth? Clean it with…”

And after the rain (my tears of course), God let the sun in and today is a new day.

I returned to scripture and found this. I think it is a good thought to have in a moment of self doubt. I am sure there will be many more to come.

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. – 2 Timothy 1:7

Thank you to all of our wonderful family and great friends who somehow know how to say the right things.  It makes me “feel sorry” for the people who missed the moment to shine light into someone’s lives when they may need is most.  Maybe she was the one who needed it, not me 🙂

3 thoughts on “Reflection: Fighting fear with faith”

  1. What a wonderful outlook! I am so proud of you for accepting the rain and the sun. It come with parenthood and to learn some of the lesson now, will help you learn the lessons to come. Especially the ones of not punching someone when its 3am and there are crying babies. 🙂 You are going to be a perfect mom to those precious babies. God chose you and Bryan to be their parents and they will be so blessed by the home and family they are joining. I pray that God gives you peace as he continues to watch over your girls. I pray for each one of their toes, fingers, ears, mouths, hearts, brains, and every other part. It takes amazing strength and faith to be a mom. You have already shown to the world that you have those qualitites. So screw the poopy heads of the world who are negative nellies! You prepare for the best thing that will ever rock your world. 🙂

  2. Bryan and Stephanie: So excited about your sweet baby girls! You guys are truly blessed and we can’t wait to meet them when they arrive. Lucky little girls to have parents who truly believe in God’s divine hand in all things. There will be many people lifted up by the sharing of your words and circumstances throughout this adventure! Thank you and look forward to seeing you both soon.

    Love, Mike and De Ann Bower

  3. Ur bog gave me chill bumps today. Very well u are figuring out,as a Mom life becomes trying at times ur heart becomes ur children.but the joy and purpose of ur life is so great u can’t contain it. I am hear to talk to for the ups and downs.relationships are the mist important In our lives and the most difficult at times.and u always want to say to negative people u suck love u and ur family to be.

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