Reflection: The big “K” is coming

The big “K” is coming.  Yep, Kindergarten.  I blinked and we are here.  I wanted to get these emotions out early, so I can attempt to celebrate their first day.  Let’s be honest, this will not be easy…on me.

For a straight year, I have heard a few reoccurring statements.  The inevitable, “What are you going to do with all your free time?”  and “Are you going to go back to work.”  I won’t lie, at first I took these two comments very personal.  I even shed some tears thinking to myself, “Am I not worthy enough just being my girls’ mother?”  I never thought the moment I dropped them off at school for the first time I had to have a plan.  I didn’t realize I turned off “mothering” until 3:40 p.m. when I will pick them up.

I prayed this last year for clarity from God about my next step in life.  I was a professional for almost 12 years before they came along.  I fought hard to be successful and be known as someone that was hard working employee and someone of value to a team.  Little did I know the spontaneity of their coming into this world is the most challenging and biggest blessing I have ever had in my entire life.  Everything I thought I needed, everything I thought I wanted changed the moment they were brought home from the hospital 43 days after their birth.  The past five years, we have put up our dukes against any challenges that came our way.

Steph with Girls1

We took on years of sleep deprivation, potty-training, and the 24-hour bug (that should be called the two-week bug once they had all passed it around). The joys of taking your kiddos on playdates and to lunch and to experience all the world has to offer through the magnified anxiety and physical challenges.  Those early newborn cuddle sessions were not things I look back on with bliss in my heart.  Sadly, those moments rarely happened.

I told myself that regardless of how hard this would be to be “normal” I was bound and determined to live that life for my girls.  Not to toot my own horn…ok…I will…I think I kicked ass!  The fog called raising a newborn, toddler, slowly coming to close and I will celebrate that with joy in my heart.  Many mothers may be thinking, “how in the world could she wish those moments away…they were the best times of my life.”  I have many “best times” I will hold so dearly close.  First trip to the beach.  First trip to the zoo.  First time they tried pizza.  First time they all slept through the night at four years old…YES FOUR YEARS OLD FOR EVERYONE TO NOT WAKE UP BEFORE MORNING.  First times they learn something new and I glowed with excitement with them.  First time they experienced pre-school.   I am not a mother who missed anything.  I got everything.  And I got everything times three!  I am a blessed woman.Me and Girls with Sunglasses summer 2014

As I navigate this next season, I have chosen to not look back but to celebrate looking forward.  To being a happier and healthier mother to my girls.  To enjoy their successes and to cuddle their failures.  To participate in things at their school.  To just frankly, BE AVAILABLE.  I am choosing to continue to be their mother.  I thank God for presenting this clarity wrapped in the amazing Word.  Women, we don’t have to be multi-faceted to be successful.  We don’t have to conqueror the world in order to prove our importance and value.

I do plan to do some soul searching on how to get back a little piece of me.  Don’t get me wrong, this will not be easy.  I truly believe a woman loving her life is the best example to our children.  They will know I am a person and that person just happens to be their mother.

But who am I kidding?  I will be choking back tears as I let go of their hands and give them to someone else for the entire day in a new environment with new things to learn.  I am honored to be their mother.  I have three of the most beautiful girls God could have wrapped into one womb.  Trust me, there wasn’t run for much more!

I hope they know I adore them.  Their hearts are beating for God. Their smiles melt me.  Their bickering even lets me know that I am living and life is in full effect.   They are growing into such amazing little ones.  I cannot wait to see their future, but I plan to continue to mother in their “present.”

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Good luck to all the first-time school moms out there.  I will be flashing back to those moments they were first born right along with you!

Blessings always from the LORD!




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